Traditional Marriage in Africa

WARNING: Although this piece is about Marriage in Africa, don't extrapolate what is described here to the whole of the African continent. Even within a single country, marriage can be as different as day and night.

For a girl in traditional Africa, the prerequisite to marriage is her first menstruation. Therefore when Ama, an Ashanti girl of Ghana in West Africa experienced her first period, her mother woke her up at dawn and made her take a cold bath. Then the mother went about the village beating a gong. The villagers came to her house to find Ama seated outside. An elderly lady lifted and dropped Ama three times unto a stool. Then the gathering broke into song and dance until the family head arrived to perform the rest of the ceremonies.

Since it is a man and rarely a woman who proposes to a man in traditional African societies, it happened that at this time Kofi Kyei was ready to get married. He first spoke discretely to Ama Jantuah who appeared interested in him. He then asked his parents to ask for her hand for him. This is the normal procedure. But sometimes parents or relatives, impressed by a girl’s exemplary character, will suggest her to their son and then proceed to engage her for him.

 Generally marriage is a union between a man and a woman; but it is the way this wedlock is effected which differs from one society to the other. However one can claim that the general aim of marriage is to live with someone of the opposite sex and to have companionship and children with that person.

In traditional African societies marriage is an elaborate affair often involving complex ceremonies. As noted above, it is not simply a business between the partners who have fallen in love; it involves the lineages of the couple and even concerns the whole society in which it takes place.

People marry either within their own clan or lineage or outside them. However, most Africans today refrain from marrying their close kins. Nevertheless, in matrilineal societies people marry their close paternal kins while in the patrilineal a pretty close maternal kin like a cousin could become one’s wife.

In a cross-cousin marriage, a man marries his paternal or maternal cousin. To some tribes, this marriage is ideal. The partners may have grown up together and thus known each other well. In a culture where marriage often precedes love, this kind of marriage was exceptional. Besides, the parents of the partners are their relatives and this builds a bond of solidarity within the marriage. And when quarrels erupt, the in-laws, wielding double influence over the couple, easily settle the differences.

It is in the area of inheritance that cross-cousin marriages appear logical. A matrilineal man in a cross-cousin marriage who knows that his property will go to his sister’s children, consoles himself that his inheritors are potential marital partners of his children who will therefore enjoy the property with them.

Polygamy (one husband and two or more wives) is widespread in traditional African societies.

Among some tribes, it is taboo for a menstruating woman to cook for her husband; so while she is in her period, the man would need a “clean woman” to cook for him, hence the need for a second wife.

Often, sexual intercourse with one’s wife is forbidden about a month to childbirth and between three months and two and a half years thereafter; and to enjoy still all the services a woman may provide, the man takes a second wife.

Another reason for the existence of polygamy in traditional African societies is that one’s honour hinges on the number of children one has. And since most Africans in the village farmed, the more wives one has the more children one could hope to have; and the larger the number of one’s children, the more hands one could have for farm work.

 Among the Zulu of South Africa, a man may marry his dead brother’s wife. However the widow remains the wife of the dead person and any children issuing from the new marriage are the children of the defunct. This custom differs from widow-inheritance practised in Ghana. Here, a man marries his deceased brother’s wife and she becomes his real wife and any issues from the marriage belong wholly to him.

Women could also marry their dead sisters’ husbands, acting either as wives for their sisters or replacing them entirely.

In “women marriages,” a rich woman, a barren one, or a bereaved daughter may “marry” a woman and give her to her kinsman to have children with her. Any children from the marriage belong to the rich woman. If the woman “married” the wife in her dead father’s name, who, for example, may not have had a son to perpetuate his name, then the issues belong to the deceased and will carry his name.

 In “ghost marriages,” if a fiancé dies or if a man dies without having been engaged or married, a kinsman marries a woman in his name and produces children for him.

Also, a man, either out of barrenness or otherwise, may “marry” another man to beget children for him. Of course, this is not homosexuality because there is no sexual relationship between the two men. Rather, the man who is “married” has sexual intercourse with the woman his partner offers him.

“Infant marriages” are also common in certain African societies. A girl-child is betrothed to a man who may take charge of some or most of her expenses and marry her when she becomes nubile. In the north of Ghana, Togo and Benin, and in Burkina Faso, Niger and Mali, this is the way some tribes marry. But in other societies, an “infant marriage” may only be a promise to a man or a girl about whom a parent is impressed; this becomes a proper marriage only when the partners agree later on to unite in matrimony. Hence, in this case, the promise can easily be broken unilaterally.

Traditional Africa treasured moral values. Thus bachelors were expected to be totally ignorant of sexual matters until they were matured enough to get married. In order to check juvenile immorality, some tribes practise a test of virginity. On the next morning of a girl’s wedding night, the couple must produce a blood-stained bedspread, proof that the hymen had not been torn up before. Failure to produce a soiled bed sheet was often punished by the dissolution of the wedding contract by the bridegroom’s family; and in the olden days by flogging in public, by ostracism or by death organized by the relatives of the bride who feel disgraced. Therefore to keep his wife, it is said that some young men cut themselves to produce the blood for the stain!

It is in this connection that traditional African societies attach taboos to sex and marriage. Thus fornication, incest and cohabitation or sexual intercourse outside the house or in strange surroundings such as the bush were all forbidden.

Who may marry in traditional Africa?

Anyone who has undergone initiation rites or attained physiological puberty may marry. Since either of these two events often coincides with the girl’s maiden menstruation, the marriageable age was between 12 and 15 years for girls and sometimes a bit older for boys.

Initiation ceremonies or nobility rites ushered the initiand into adulthood. By this fact the way was open to sexual life, hence marriage.

Nobility and initiation ceremonies differ considerably from one African society to the other. While in some tribes they are simple and may last only a day, among others it involves elaborate rituals stretching from three months to two years.

During initiation, neophytes may be circumcised and tribal marks cut on their bodies. A girl who has been initiated should no longer behave like a child.

Initiation ceremonies are religious affairs, especially in East Africa. For months, the neophytes, between the ages of 8 and 16 years, are secluded in the bush and taught things they were ignorant about when they were children. For the Ashanti girl of Ghana, the ceremony takes only six days to complete; lasts 30 days for the Bemba girl of Zambia; and requires not less than six months for the Nuer of Southern Sudan. But for others the instructions stretch between one to three years.

All initiation ceremonies are characterized by a test of endurance. The neophyte may be made to fast or kill a wild beast all alone; and often candidates may be circumcised with crude instruments at noon. Female clitoridectomy is performed in certain tribes for girls. During the operation the patient should not exhibit the slightest sign of pain; otherwise he or she will be treated as a child and may never find a spouse.

 When Ama Jantuah, the Ashanti girl, had her first menstruation, she was washed and shown to the village. Then her family head, an elderly man, poured libation, thanking the ancestors for looking after Ama until she has attained puberty. Then he implored the gods for a smooth celebration. Meanwhile gifts poured into Ama’s house. The villagers brought plates, cups, cooking utensils, pieces of cloth, sandals, food items, and whatever else a future bride may need. Then Ama’s father shaved her head and gave her money, that is, “bought her hair,” to start her own life.

An old lady then manicured Ama, making a few deliberate cuts on her fingers to show her that she was entering a world full of pain. Then she wrapped Ama in white clothes and adorned her with trinkets. While that was going on, Ama’s relatives distributed food items such as yams, plantain, cassava, garden eggs, etc. to the guests as Ama’s gratitude for their participation in her initiation rites.

A strong woman now carried Ama on her back to the riverside. River water is believed to have purification properties. Naked, Ama was immersed three times in the river to signify her coming of age. Then she was given a sponge and a piece of soap to bath thoroughly. Three women then dried her body with dry sponges. Then the procession led Ama half-naked back to the village. This was done to show off Ama’s youthful body to prospective husbands and to prove to all that she has neither been promiscuous nor has been or was pregnant.

At Ama’s house, a feast was prepared. She was first given an egg to swallow whole so that her future labours may be easy. An egg is used because hens are believed to lay them easily and hence Ama’s future child may also come out as easily. Then Ama was allowed to eat for the first time in the day.

Now the drums pulsed. Ama executed a few intricate steps to the applause of the spectators and then she retired into her house.

Ama Jantuah spent the next five days indoors. She was treated like a queen and taught the secrets of womanhood, including menstruation, sex, pregnancy, intimate douching, and married life. On the fifth day, Ama’s friends danced in her house to bid her farewell to royal living. Then she stepped outside her home.

On the sixth day, Ama was dressed beautifully and led by her relatives from house to house to thank the villagers.

Now, Ama has been shown to all that she has become an adult. If she is not betrothed, men asked for her hand. Otherwise, her fiancé was asked to perform the marriage ceremony.

Ama was not betrothed; neither did she have a fiancé. At the moment of her initiation ceremony, Kofi Kyei was ready for marriage. He approached his parents to see Ama Jantuah’s parents on his behalf. At sunset, Kofi Kyei’s parents, his uncle and aunts trooped to the Jantuah house in the neighbouring village. “We have come to ask for your daughter’s hand,” Kofi Kyei’s father said after the preliminary conversation.

A silence fell.

“We’ve heard what you’ve said,” Ama’s father finally replied. “Give us some time to consider the matter.”

This was routine. Prospective parents-in-law wait for three days to three months before giving an answer. Meanwhile each family checked the other family’s background. That is why Ama’s mother called on Auntie Yaa, a friend of hers who knew Kofi Kyei’s family well. “Kofi Kyei’s people have asked for Ama’s hand for him,” she said tentatively.

“She’s entering a good family,” Auntie Yaa said without any hesitation.

Ama’s mother suppressed her joy at the good news. “You know them better,” she went on, “Is there no bad disease in the family?”

Auntie Yaa shook her head. She assured her friend that Kofi Kyei was worthy of her daughter: he was hardworking, respectful and gentle. Kofi Kyei’s people also learnt that Ama could cook, she was industrious and her character exemplary. And each family enquired about a few delicate matters about the other family’s history – such as cases of wife-beating, murder, stealing, mental sickness, divorce, lying, garrulousness, etc. which could make for a successful marriage or lead to catastrophe or divorce.

While the investigations were going on, Kofi Kyei presented gifts to Ama and her family. They accepted the presents heartily, an indication that he would get a favourable answer. However, the girl’s family refunded the gifts should the marriage arrangements fail.

After a week the Jantuahs sent a message that Kofi Kyei could marry their daughter. Kofi Kyei and his people then got ready to go and pay the bridewealth.

The payment of the bridewealth seals the marriage. And then a day is fixed for the woman to leave her parents’ home to stay in her husband’s.

   Among the Ewe’s of Togo, the bridewealth could consist of twelve pieces of cloth, some bottles of assorted alcoholic drinks and an amount of money. But some Northern Ghanaian tribes pay in cattle while the Ibos of Nigeria give out as much as one thousand United States dollars. Some Ghanaian Moslems marry with assorted cloths, head ties, shoes, brass basins, trunks, sets of bowls and plates, and cash. The Amba of Uganda not only swap women as bridewealth, the boy is also made to work for his in-laws for a specified time before getting his woman.

The marriage ceremony itself is simple, especially where the girl has already undergone her nubility rites. It is not performed for women under pregnancy. So an African girl who conceives outside lawful wedlock must wait until she delivers her child before being honoured with this ceremony.

Patrilineal societies pay higher bridewealth than the matrilineal ones. While the Nuer husband may hand over 40 cows for a wife, the Ashanti man may provide only two bottles of palm wine.

The bridewealth is important in traditional communities because in the olden days when there were no books, and even today, it serves as the “document” legalizing the marriage. As for dowry it is uncommon in Africa, since men often paid the bridewealth.

 An idea of exchange exists in marriage in Africa: A husband gets a wife but in return gives something; the family of the bride loses a member but gets some compensation.

However one does not buy a woman by paying a bridewealth for her. The bridewealth simply endorses the marriage. Without the payment of the bridewealth, a traditional African marriage and any children resulting from it are considered illegitimate. A man who has not paid the bridewealth cannot claim adultery fees should his wife be unfaithful; besides, he cannot regard his marriage as legal and his in-laws could easily claim their relative from him at any time. The bridewealth also binds the couple to be of good behaviour. A foolish husband will lose his bridewealth in the event of a divorce while a guilty wife pays it back.

 To have children is the ultimate aim of traditional African marriage. Since women are often blamed for childless marriages, fertility is often crucial for them. The ease with which a wife constantly conceives and bears children is a blessing to the marriage. Besides childbearing, a good African wife must be faithful, obedient, hardworking, helpful, sympathetic and jovial.

 Since the African in traditional settings loves to have lots of children, fertility is vital in marriage. Each African craves for children to carry on his name so that he will not be forgotten on his death. It is because of the emphasis put on children as an asset in marriage and the belief that childless couples harbour some bad disease or are being punished by the ancestors for some wrong-doing (e.g. fornication, abortion) that childless couples are held in contempt. To avoid the curse, childless women often carry dolls on their backs to express to the ancestors their wish to have children.

The African woman who has children must be prepared to care for them. She must see to it that they are well-fed, well-clothed, are bathed daily and have enough shelter over their heads. She must even be prepared to do the same for the children of others. This quality, motherliness, is important for women in marriage because the factors which make for it – hospitality, kindness, fondness of children and sympathy – distinguish them as excellent females.

If traditional African societies craved marriage, however they abhorred divorce. Nevertheless divorce did exist in traditional Africa, but its rate was low. The main reasons for the absence of widespread divorce in Africa are the sense of togetherness or of family, the peculiar marriage customs which involved not only the lovers but bound their families as well, the docility and the simplicity of the traditional African woman and the stoic nature of Africans.

What factors then cause divorce in traditional African societies?

The main causes of divorce among Africans are infertility of any partner, adultery, insanity, garrulousness, laziness, witchcraft, scandalous behaviour, callousness, pugnaciousness and incompatibility.

 Generally a couple is considered divorced when the bridewealth, as seal of the marriage, is returned. Among the patrilineal people, the guilty person pays the bridewealth: since the man paid the bridewealth, he forfeits it if he is found guilty and the woman refunds it if she is to blame. However among matrilineal societies whoever received the bridewealth returns it irrespective of the guilty partner. Since the bridewealth is insignificant among matrilineal people and can easily be repaid, their divorce rate is higher than for patrilineal tribes. Thus a high bridewealth binds marriage better than a low one since both partners are aware that the loss or the refund of the bridewealth is costly.

However the return or the forfeiture of the bridewealth does not constitute a full divorce. A simple ceremony is often necessary to declare the marriage properly dissolved. Among the Ashanti of Ghana, the man sprinkles white clay on the woman.

Despite the stability of traditional African marriage, present-day Africans shun it as cumbersome and backward. Instead they prefer the modernized system of marriage which is part African and part European or the western matrimony outright. This is causing the traditional system to die. But since the aim of marriage is “till death do us part,” one can claim that traditional African marriage is exemplary. It was not just a human institution but a rite for which the people must be prepared. For through it pregnancy results and leads to childbirth. Marriage was and still is of utmost importance to traditional African societies, for without it the renewal of the tribal members and coherence among them could not exist.