WARNING: Although this piece is about Marriage in Africa, don't extrapolate what is described here to the whole of the African continent. Even within a single country, marriage can be as different as day and night.
For a girl
in traditional Africa, the prerequisite to
marriage is her first menstruation. Therefore when Ama, an Ashanti girl of Ghana
in West Africa experienced her first period,
her mother woke her up at dawn and made her take a cold bath. Then the mother
went about the village beating a gong. The villagers came to her house to find
Ama seated outside. An elderly lady lifted and dropped Ama three times unto a
stool. Then the gathering broke into song and dance until the family head arrived
to perform the rest of the ceremonies.
Since it is a man and rarely a woman who
proposes to a man in traditional African societies, it happened that at this
time Kofi Kyei was ready to get married. He first spoke discretely to Ama
Jantuah who appeared interested in him. He then asked his parents to ask for
her hand for him. This is the normal procedure. But sometimes parents or relatives,
impressed by a girl’s exemplary character, will suggest her to their son and
then proceed to engage her for him.
Generally
marriage is a union between a man and a woman; but it is the way this wedlock
is effected which differs from one society to the other. However one can claim
that the general aim of marriage is to live with someone of the opposite sex and
to have companionship and children with that person.
In traditional African societies marriage is an
elaborate affair often involving complex ceremonies. As noted above, it is not
simply a business between the partners who have fallen in love; it involves the
lineages of the couple and even concerns the whole society in which it takes
place.
People marry either within their own clan or
lineage or outside them. However, most Africans today refrain from marrying
their close kins. Nevertheless, in matrilineal societies people marry their
close paternal kins while in the patrilineal a pretty close maternal kin like a
cousin could become one’s wife.
In a cross-cousin marriage, a man marries his
paternal or maternal cousin. To some tribes, this marriage is ideal. The
partners may have grown up together and thus known each other well. In a
culture where marriage often precedes love, this kind of marriage was
exceptional. Besides, the parents of the partners are their relatives and this
builds a bond of solidarity within the marriage. And when quarrels erupt, the
in-laws, wielding double influence over the couple, easily settle the
differences.
It is in the area of inheritance that
cross-cousin marriages appear logical. A matrilineal man in a cross-cousin
marriage who knows that his property will go to his sister’s children, consoles
himself that his inheritors are potential marital partners of his children who
will therefore enjoy the property with them.
Polygamy (one husband and two or more wives) is
widespread in traditional African societies.
Among some tribes, it is taboo for a
menstruating woman to cook for her husband; so while she is in her period, the
man would need a “clean woman” to cook for him, hence the need for a second
wife.
Often, sexual intercourse with one’s wife is
forbidden about a month to childbirth and between three months and two and a
half years thereafter; and to enjoy still all the services a woman may provide,
the man takes a second wife.
Another reason for the existence of polygamy in
traditional African societies is that one’s honour hinges on the number of
children one has. And since most Africans in the village farmed, the more wives
one has the more children one could hope to have; and the larger the number of
one’s children, the more hands one could have for farm work.
Among
the Zulu of South Africa, a man may marry his dead brother’s wife. However the
widow remains the wife of the dead person and any children issuing from the new
marriage are the children of the defunct. This custom differs from
widow-inheritance practised in Ghana.
Here, a man marries his deceased brother’s wife and she becomes his real wife
and any issues from the marriage belong wholly to him.
Women could also marry their dead sisters’
husbands, acting either as wives for their sisters or replacing them entirely.
In “women marriages,” a rich woman, a barren
one, or a bereaved daughter may “marry” a woman and give her to her kinsman to
have children with her. Any children from the marriage belong to the rich woman.
If the woman “married” the wife in her dead father’s name, who, for example,
may not have had a son to perpetuate his name, then the issues belong to the
deceased and will carry his name.
In
“ghost marriages,” if a fiancé dies or if a man dies without having been
engaged or married, a kinsman marries a woman in his name and produces children
for him.
Also, a man, either out of barrenness or
otherwise, may “marry” another man to beget children for him. Of course, this
is not homosexuality because there is no sexual relationship between the two
men. Rather, the man who is “married” has sexual intercourse with the woman his
partner offers him.
“Infant marriages” are also common in certain
African societies. A girl-child is betrothed to a man who may take charge of
some or most of her expenses and marry her when she becomes nubile. In the
north of Ghana, Togo and Benin,
and in Burkina Faso, Niger and Mali, this is the way some tribes
marry. But in other societies, an “infant marriage” may only be a promise to a
man or a girl about whom a parent is impressed; this becomes a proper marriage
only when the partners agree later on to unite in matrimony. Hence, in this
case, the promise can easily be broken unilaterally.
Traditional Africa
treasured moral values. Thus bachelors were expected to be totally ignorant of
sexual matters until they were matured enough to get married. In order to check
juvenile immorality, some tribes practise a test of virginity. On the next
morning of a girl’s wedding night, the couple must produce a blood-stained
bedspread, proof that the hymen had not been torn up before. Failure to produce
a soiled bed sheet was often punished by the dissolution of the wedding
contract by the bridegroom’s family; and in the olden days by flogging in public,
by ostracism or by death organized by the relatives of the bride who feel
disgraced. Therefore to keep his wife, it is said that some young men cut
themselves to produce the blood for the stain!
It is in this connection that traditional
African societies attach taboos to sex and marriage. Thus fornication, incest
and cohabitation or sexual intercourse outside the house or in strange
surroundings such as the bush were all forbidden.
Who may marry in traditional Africa?
Anyone who has undergone initiation rites or
attained physiological puberty may marry. Since either of these two events
often coincides with the girl’s maiden menstruation, the marriageable age was
between 12 and 15 years for girls and sometimes a bit older for boys.
Initiation ceremonies or nobility rites ushered
the initiand into adulthood. By this fact the way was open to sexual life,
hence marriage.
Nobility and initiation ceremonies differ
considerably from one African society to the other. While in some tribes they
are simple and may last only a day, among others it involves elaborate rituals
stretching from three months to two years.
During initiation, neophytes may be circumcised
and tribal marks cut on their bodies. A girl who has been initiated should no
longer behave like a child.
Initiation ceremonies are religious affairs,
especially in East Africa. For months, the
neophytes, between the ages of 8 and 16 years, are secluded in the bush and
taught things they were ignorant about when they were children. For the Ashanti girl of Ghana,
the ceremony takes only six days to complete; lasts 30 days for the Bemba girl
of Zambia;
and requires not less than six months for the Nuer of Southern Sudan. But for
others the instructions stretch between one to three years.
All initiation ceremonies are characterized by
a test of endurance. The neophyte may be made to fast or kill a wild beast all
alone; and often candidates may be circumcised with crude instruments at noon. Female clitoridectomy is
performed in certain tribes for girls. During the operation the patient should
not exhibit the slightest sign of pain; otherwise he or she will be treated as
a child and may never find a spouse.
When Ama
Jantuah, the Ashanti
girl, had her first menstruation, she was washed and shown to the village. Then
her family head, an elderly man, poured libation, thanking the ancestors for
looking after Ama until she has attained puberty. Then he implored the gods for
a smooth celebration. Meanwhile gifts poured into Ama’s house. The villagers
brought plates, cups, cooking utensils, pieces of cloth, sandals, food items,
and whatever else a future bride may need. Then Ama’s father shaved her head
and gave her money, that is, “bought her hair,” to start her own life.
An old lady then manicured Ama, making a few
deliberate cuts on her fingers to show her that she was entering a world full
of pain. Then she wrapped Ama in white clothes and adorned her with trinkets.
While that was going on, Ama’s relatives distributed food items such as yams,
plantain, cassava, garden eggs, etc. to the guests as Ama’s gratitude for their
participation in her initiation rites.
A strong woman now carried Ama on her back to
the riverside. River water is believed to have purification properties. Naked,
Ama was immersed three times in the river to signify her coming of age. Then
she was given a sponge and a piece of soap to bath thoroughly. Three women then
dried her body with dry sponges. Then the procession led Ama half-naked back to
the village. This was done to show off Ama’s youthful body to prospective
husbands and to prove to all that she has neither been promiscuous nor has been
or was pregnant.
At Ama’s house, a feast was prepared. She was
first given an egg to swallow whole so that her future labours may be easy. An
egg is used because hens are believed to lay them easily and hence Ama’s future
child may also come out as easily. Then Ama was allowed to eat for the first
time in the day.
Now the drums pulsed. Ama executed a few
intricate steps to the applause of the spectators and then she retired into her
house.
Ama Jantuah spent the next five days indoors.
She was treated like a queen and taught the secrets of womanhood, including
menstruation, sex, pregnancy, intimate douching, and married life. On the fifth
day, Ama’s friends danced in her house to bid her farewell to royal living.
Then she stepped outside her home.
On the sixth day, Ama was dressed beautifully
and led by her relatives from house to house to thank the villagers.
Now, Ama has been shown to all that she has
become an adult. If she is not betrothed, men asked for her hand. Otherwise,
her fiancé was asked to perform the marriage ceremony.
Ama was not betrothed; neither did she have a
fiancé. At the moment of her initiation ceremony, Kofi Kyei was ready for
marriage. He approached his parents to see Ama Jantuah’s parents on his behalf.
At sunset, Kofi Kyei’s parents, his uncle and aunts trooped to the Jantuah
house in the neighbouring village. “We have come to ask for your daughter’s
hand,” Kofi Kyei’s father said after the preliminary conversation.
A silence fell.
“We’ve heard what you’ve said,” Ama’s father
finally replied. “Give us some time to consider the matter.”
This was routine. Prospective parents-in-law
wait for three days to three months before giving an answer. Meanwhile each
family checked the other family’s background. That is why Ama’s mother called
on Auntie Yaa, a friend of hers who knew Kofi Kyei’s family well. “Kofi Kyei’s
people have asked for Ama’s hand for him,” she said tentatively.
“She’s entering a good family,” Auntie Yaa said
without any hesitation.
Ama’s mother suppressed her joy at the good
news. “You know them better,” she went on, “Is there no bad disease in the
family?”
Auntie Yaa shook her head. She assured her
friend that Kofi Kyei was worthy of her daughter: he was hardworking,
respectful and gentle. Kofi Kyei’s people also learnt that Ama could cook, she
was industrious and her character exemplary. And each family enquired about a
few delicate matters about the other family’s history – such as cases of
wife-beating, murder, stealing, mental sickness, divorce, lying, garrulousness,
etc. which could make for a successful marriage or lead to catastrophe or
divorce.
While the investigations were going on, Kofi
Kyei presented gifts to Ama and her family. They accepted the presents
heartily, an indication that he would get a favourable answer. However, the
girl’s family refunded the gifts should the marriage arrangements fail.
After a week the Jantuahs sent a message that
Kofi Kyei could marry their daughter. Kofi Kyei and his people then got ready
to go and pay the bridewealth.
The payment of the bridewealth seals the
marriage. And then a day is fixed for the woman to leave her parents’ home to
stay in her husband’s.
Among the Ewe’s of Togo, the bridewealth could consist
of twelve pieces of cloth, some bottles of assorted alcoholic drinks and an
amount of money. But some Northern Ghanaian tribes pay in cattle while the Ibos
of Nigeria give out as much as one thousand United States dollars. Some Ghanaian
Moslems marry with assorted cloths, head ties, shoes, brass basins, trunks,
sets of bowls and plates, and cash. The Amba of Uganda not only swap women as
bridewealth, the boy is also made to work for his in-laws for a specified time
before getting his woman.
The marriage ceremony itself is simple,
especially where the girl has already undergone her nubility rites. It is not
performed for women under pregnancy. So an African girl who conceives outside
lawful wedlock must wait until she delivers her child before being honoured
with this ceremony.
Patrilineal societies pay higher bridewealth
than the matrilineal ones. While the Nuer husband may hand over 40 cows for a
wife, the Ashanti
man may provide only two bottles of palm wine.
The bridewealth is important in traditional
communities because in the olden days when there were no books, and even today,
it serves as the “document” legalizing the marriage. As for dowry it is
uncommon in Africa, since men often paid the
bridewealth.
An idea
of exchange exists in marriage in Africa: A
husband gets a wife but in return gives something; the family of the bride
loses a member but gets some compensation.
However one does not buy a woman by paying a
bridewealth for her. The bridewealth simply endorses the marriage. Without the
payment of the bridewealth, a traditional African marriage and any children
resulting from it are considered illegitimate. A man who has not paid the
bridewealth cannot claim adultery fees should his wife be unfaithful; besides,
he cannot regard his marriage as legal and his in-laws could easily claim their
relative from him at any time. The bridewealth also binds the couple to be of
good behaviour. A foolish husband will lose his bridewealth in the event of a
divorce while a guilty wife pays it back.
To have
children is the ultimate aim of traditional African marriage. Since women are
often blamed for childless marriages, fertility is often crucial for them. The
ease with which a wife constantly conceives and bears children is a blessing to
the marriage. Besides childbearing, a good African wife must be faithful,
obedient, hardworking, helpful, sympathetic and jovial.
Since
the African in traditional settings loves to have lots of children, fertility
is vital in marriage. Each African craves for children to carry on his name so
that he will not be forgotten on his death. It is because of the emphasis put
on children as an asset in marriage and the belief that childless couples
harbour some bad disease or are being punished by the ancestors for some
wrong-doing (e.g. fornication, abortion) that childless couples are held in
contempt. To avoid the curse, childless women often carry dolls on their backs
to express to the ancestors their wish to have children.
The African woman who has children must be
prepared to care for them. She must see to it that they are well-fed,
well-clothed, are bathed daily and have enough shelter over their heads. She
must even be prepared to do the same for the children of others. This quality,
motherliness, is important for women in marriage because the factors which make
for it – hospitality, kindness, fondness of children and sympathy – distinguish
them as excellent females.
If traditional African societies craved
marriage, however they abhorred divorce. Nevertheless divorce did exist in
traditional Africa, but its rate was low. The
main reasons for the absence of widespread divorce in Africa
are the sense of togetherness or of family, the peculiar marriage customs which
involved not only the lovers but bound their families as well, the docility and
the simplicity of the traditional African woman and the stoic nature of
Africans.
What factors then cause divorce in traditional
African societies?
The main causes of divorce among Africans are
infertility of any partner, adultery, insanity, garrulousness, laziness,
witchcraft, scandalous behaviour, callousness, pugnaciousness and
incompatibility.
Generally
a couple is considered divorced when the bridewealth, as seal of the marriage,
is returned. Among the patrilineal people, the guilty person pays the
bridewealth: since the man paid the bridewealth, he forfeits it if he is found
guilty and the woman refunds it if she is to blame. However among matrilineal
societies whoever received the bridewealth returns it irrespective of the
guilty partner. Since the bridewealth is insignificant among matrilineal people
and can easily be repaid, their divorce rate is higher than for patrilineal
tribes. Thus a high bridewealth binds marriage better than a low one since both
partners are aware that the loss or the refund of the bridewealth is costly.
However the return or the forfeiture of the
bridewealth does not constitute a full divorce. A simple ceremony is often
necessary to declare the marriage properly dissolved. Among the Ashanti of Ghana,
the man sprinkles white clay on the woman.
Despite the stability of traditional African
marriage, present-day Africans shun it as cumbersome and backward. Instead they
prefer the modernized system of marriage which is part African and part
European or the western matrimony outright. This is causing the traditional
system to die. But since the aim of marriage is “till death do us part,” one
can claim that traditional African marriage is exemplary. It was not just a
human institution but a rite for which the people must be prepared. For through
it pregnancy results and leads to childbirth. Marriage was and still is of
utmost importance to traditional African societies, for without it the renewal
of the tribal members and coherence among them could not exist.
